Of Passion and Happiness

I was a person full of idealism, immense dreams and lofty expectations. Way back in elementary and high school, I was an achiever. I was always in the honor-roll, represented my class and even my school in various competitions and had remarkable parts in several programs and occasions. I enjoyed healthy competition. I enjoyed my life being a youth. I enjoyed everything that came my way. I enjoyed every detail of my school days.

Then I went to the most prestigious university in the Philippines. The used to be so enthusiastic girl that I was in elementary and high school shriveled in an instant. I lacked interest in my academics. Yes, I was in the Dean’s List for several semesters but I did not make it to be a Cum Laude with just a difference of .09 percent. I seldom joined contests and joined only 2 school organizations unlike in high school. I don’t know why it happened to me. Sometimes I would think that maybe I just got so exhausted of everything. I thought that I have already been there and already done that. Maybe it is because I was longing for something else. Or maybe because I never really wanted to be in that place in the first place. I wanted to do other thing than computing and analyzing numbers, which definitely pulled down my grades in school. I wanted to write. And I still do want to write. In a way, I had regrets that I did not follow my passion. When I was in my fourth year in high school, the idea that business people are rich and powerful prevailed in deciding what course to take in college. I was blinded by practicality. I did not pursue my greatest dream. I regret that I disappointed my parents’ desire to put a medal around my neck during our graduation day. I envied those that were able to make it. Consider it as my rebellion. If only I took up what I really wanted, which is Communication Arts and Journalism, I would have graduated with flying colors because I have interest in it. But who was greatly affected? No other than myself still. Well, big thanks to UP that I also found friends and instructors to treasure for a lifetime, and I never have a hard time searching for excellent job opportunities.

Now I have a good job in an impressive company. I landed a job that really fits my qualifications, educational background and few interests. But still I feel incomplete. I still have this feeling of self-insecurity in me. The used to be full of joie de vivre that I was now lacks self-esteem and belief in my capabilities. I enjoy what I am doing right now. I love traveling and meeting new people. I love the freedom that I have; certainly, I love my job. But still there is something lacking. I am still longing for something else.

I don’t know if I would still be able to pursue what my heart is really telling me. Now that my family is lacking the means unlike before that I get everything that I needed and even everything that I wanted. Now that I already have a wonderful son to look after. But still I am not really closing my doors to it. I am still dreaming of reading my articles in the papers. Well, I am beginning it now – with this story that I am telling.