"Everything happens for a reason". Cliche as it may sound but these words have been so powerful to me. I started using this catchphrase in college and from then on became a standing joke of my buddies as well. I may not use it seriously sometimes, and make it as the rationality of everything that's happening to me, but still it could be of great help in uplifting my spirit.
Yesterday, I was asking myself why I'm feeling this and going through that? Just a run down: I had a perfect childhood. Being an only child, I was given everything I needed and almost all I wanted. I had a silver spoon in my mouth. I am not from a well-heeled family but I tickled pink with what I've got. My parents sent me to the best school in town and bought me clothes and toys that some of my friends envied of. I have cousins who treated me as their youngest sister and protected me from harm when my parents are far from home to teach children in a distant town.
I never blotted out to pay back the goodness that my family gave me. I always gave them the pride of going up the stage to pin a ribbon or put a medal around my neck. I always felt so happy handing them certificates and prizes of my achievements. I knew from the very start that they were great-hearted of having a daughter who had a lot of hips in school.
I always dreamt of being an Architect. I wanted to be the prime-mover of people's shelter and of course my family's own crib. Maybe because we never had an enticing house although I had a perfect home. With my young mind, I started collecting fascinating pieces for my dream home but only in fool's paradise. From the start, I had my dream school as well. That is why I got so excited when I got to my senior year in high school because I would be able to jump-start my dream of being an architect by applying and taking an exam in my dream school. I passed but my parents didn't allow me to go to that strange and untrustworthy city. My heart was broken and I felt very bad. I was thinking that my life had came to end. I was very unprepared of this feeling. All this time I independently choose what I wanted but not that moment. I felt so deprived of my privilege. Seeing me had a face as long as a fiddle during that supposedly eye-popping summer, my parents finally allowed me to go. But it was too late already. My slot was forfeited. I didn't argue and gradually accepted the fact that the chance was not for me. Thank God I had a Plan B. I took the UPCAT together with my high school buddies. I chose the campus just 2-hour away from home and selected a business course with no particular reason at all. Luckily, I had a fall-back.
I was juiced up with the thoughts of going to college but I never really prepared myself into it. I never had directions. All I wanted was to finish school and make my parents proud. During college, I seldom participated in extra-curricular activities. I felt I had enough of it in high school that parties shake me up. I was bucked with hanging out with friends and chatting until wee hours. When I graduated, part of me was yellow-eyed with my batchmates who were able to make it to the honors' list while the other part of me was abashed knowing that I was an inch close to them.
Finally, I went out to the real world. Being deprived with the opportunity in that wild city, I kept wondering what was there and where should I have been if I was given the chance to pursue my dream there. So after graduation, I went to the metropolis to discover a new life there. Fortunately, I landed a good job in a multinational company. I began to receive an agreeable salary and bought stuffs that I wanted.
Then a big decision had to be made. I had to choose between my career and love. I chose love. I admit it, I had a lot of struggles. I thought loving someone is the most important thing on earth, that I would be on cloud nine if I embraced it. Well, others would have a point in saying so but not in my case. I had a you-and-me-against-the-world relationship with the one I chose to love. I put aside the family that sacrificed everything for me. Going back, I was given with all the love in the world by my parents. I forgot to tell you, they endured the kilometer walk to and from there stations just to work everyday to give me the best that they could. They would borrow money with high interests just to provide me with the beautiful yet pricey clothes I wear to the school programs and parties. I took aside the fact that they sold our house just to be able to go to that huge city and follow my dreams.
Egocentric jerk! That's what I was. I fess up. I know I chose to be in this state and I would not go through all those hardships in life if I didn't allow it to happen in the first place. But hey! everything happens for a reason anyway! I guess I won't be here dicerning about all these emotional stuffs if I was not able to go through it all. I would still nose-around those childish things I wanted.
Now I realized that there was a reason why I wasn't able to study in that big city. It's because I would miss the chance of meeting the great friends that I had in college. I would miss the serenity and simplicity of my college years.
I have no feeling of regret that I ventured into those challenging experiences. At least as early as now, I learned to value more the people that I had forsaken. I am still lucky because God has given me time to mend the crippled hearts of my parents. The reason why I chose love over everything? To bring a sunshine to my life and my parents... To be a mother to an awe-inspiring baby boy who gave a new meaning to my life. Well, everything has a reason and my baby gives me a new reason to live.
Yesterday, I was asking myself why I'm feeling this and going through that? Just a run down: I had a perfect childhood. Being an only child, I was given everything I needed and almost all I wanted. I had a silver spoon in my mouth. I am not from a well-heeled family but I tickled pink with what I've got. My parents sent me to the best school in town and bought me clothes and toys that some of my friends envied of. I have cousins who treated me as their youngest sister and protected me from harm when my parents are far from home to teach children in a distant town.
I never blotted out to pay back the goodness that my family gave me. I always gave them the pride of going up the stage to pin a ribbon or put a medal around my neck. I always felt so happy handing them certificates and prizes of my achievements. I knew from the very start that they were great-hearted of having a daughter who had a lot of hips in school.
I always dreamt of being an Architect. I wanted to be the prime-mover of people's shelter and of course my family's own crib. Maybe because we never had an enticing house although I had a perfect home. With my young mind, I started collecting fascinating pieces for my dream home but only in fool's paradise. From the start, I had my dream school as well. That is why I got so excited when I got to my senior year in high school because I would be able to jump-start my dream of being an architect by applying and taking an exam in my dream school. I passed but my parents didn't allow me to go to that strange and untrustworthy city. My heart was broken and I felt very bad. I was thinking that my life had came to end. I was very unprepared of this feeling. All this time I independently choose what I wanted but not that moment. I felt so deprived of my privilege. Seeing me had a face as long as a fiddle during that supposedly eye-popping summer, my parents finally allowed me to go. But it was too late already. My slot was forfeited. I didn't argue and gradually accepted the fact that the chance was not for me. Thank God I had a Plan B. I took the UPCAT together with my high school buddies. I chose the campus just 2-hour away from home and selected a business course with no particular reason at all. Luckily, I had a fall-back.
I was juiced up with the thoughts of going to college but I never really prepared myself into it. I never had directions. All I wanted was to finish school and make my parents proud. During college, I seldom participated in extra-curricular activities. I felt I had enough of it in high school that parties shake me up. I was bucked with hanging out with friends and chatting until wee hours. When I graduated, part of me was yellow-eyed with my batchmates who were able to make it to the honors' list while the other part of me was abashed knowing that I was an inch close to them.
Finally, I went out to the real world. Being deprived with the opportunity in that wild city, I kept wondering what was there and where should I have been if I was given the chance to pursue my dream there. So after graduation, I went to the metropolis to discover a new life there. Fortunately, I landed a good job in a multinational company. I began to receive an agreeable salary and bought stuffs that I wanted.
Then a big decision had to be made. I had to choose between my career and love. I chose love. I admit it, I had a lot of struggles. I thought loving someone is the most important thing on earth, that I would be on cloud nine if I embraced it. Well, others would have a point in saying so but not in my case. I had a you-and-me-against-the-world relationship with the one I chose to love. I put aside the family that sacrificed everything for me. Going back, I was given with all the love in the world by my parents. I forgot to tell you, they endured the kilometer walk to and from there stations just to work everyday to give me the best that they could. They would borrow money with high interests just to provide me with the beautiful yet pricey clothes I wear to the school programs and parties. I took aside the fact that they sold our house just to be able to go to that huge city and follow my dreams.
Egocentric jerk! That's what I was. I fess up. I know I chose to be in this state and I would not go through all those hardships in life if I didn't allow it to happen in the first place. But hey! everything happens for a reason anyway! I guess I won't be here dicerning about all these emotional stuffs if I was not able to go through it all. I would still nose-around those childish things I wanted.
Now I realized that there was a reason why I wasn't able to study in that big city. It's because I would miss the chance of meeting the great friends that I had in college. I would miss the serenity and simplicity of my college years.
I have no feeling of regret that I ventured into those challenging experiences. At least as early as now, I learned to value more the people that I had forsaken. I am still lucky because God has given me time to mend the crippled hearts of my parents. The reason why I chose love over everything? To bring a sunshine to my life and my parents... To be a mother to an awe-inspiring baby boy who gave a new meaning to my life. Well, everything has a reason and my baby gives me a new reason to live.
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