Thank God it's Friday!

Yehey! Time to take a break from the training... At least I'd be able to post more articles... I'll have time to pour out all my emotions this weekend... hehehe... got a lot of 'em... this week was a great challenge for me... i'll tell you why on my next post...

Have to hug my pillow tight already!

Finally!

Wahhh!! I've been looking for the best site to post my blog but it's only now that I got satisfied with the result of what i've made!

You must be wondering why the articles below are posted within the same date... well, I wrote them at different times and with various emotions and struggles actually but because I want to see how it's like to have a blog with several contents already, I posted it all now... just for all of to have a memorable stop here... hehehe...

ciao!

Of Passion and Happiness

I was a person full of idealism, immense dreams and lofty expectations. Way back in elementary and high school, I was an achiever. I was always in the honor-roll, represented my class and even my school in various competitions and had remarkable parts in several programs and occasions. I enjoyed healthy competition. I enjoyed my life being a youth. I enjoyed everything that came my way. I enjoyed every detail of my school days.

Then I went to the most prestigious university in the Philippines. The used to be so enthusiastic girl that I was in elementary and high school shriveled in an instant. I lacked interest in my academics. Yes, I was in the Dean’s List for several semesters but I did not make it to be a Cum Laude with just a difference of .09 percent. I seldom joined contests and joined only 2 school organizations unlike in high school. I don’t know why it happened to me. Sometimes I would think that maybe I just got so exhausted of everything. I thought that I have already been there and already done that. Maybe it is because I was longing for something else. Or maybe because I never really wanted to be in that place in the first place. I wanted to do other thing than computing and analyzing numbers, which definitely pulled down my grades in school. I wanted to write. And I still do want to write. In a way, I had regrets that I did not follow my passion. When I was in my fourth year in high school, the idea that business people are rich and powerful prevailed in deciding what course to take in college. I was blinded by practicality. I did not pursue my greatest dream. I regret that I disappointed my parents’ desire to put a medal around my neck during our graduation day. I envied those that were able to make it. Consider it as my rebellion. If only I took up what I really wanted, which is Communication Arts and Journalism, I would have graduated with flying colors because I have interest in it. But who was greatly affected? No other than myself still. Well, big thanks to UP that I also found friends and instructors to treasure for a lifetime, and I never have a hard time searching for excellent job opportunities.

Now I have a good job in an impressive company. I landed a job that really fits my qualifications, educational background and few interests. But still I feel incomplete. I still have this feeling of self-insecurity in me. The used to be full of joie de vivre that I was now lacks self-esteem and belief in my capabilities. I enjoy what I am doing right now. I love traveling and meeting new people. I love the freedom that I have; certainly, I love my job. But still there is something lacking. I am still longing for something else.

I don’t know if I would still be able to pursue what my heart is really telling me. Now that my family is lacking the means unlike before that I get everything that I needed and even everything that I wanted. Now that I already have a wonderful son to look after. But still I am not really closing my doors to it. I am still dreaming of reading my articles in the papers. Well, I am beginning it now – with this story that I am telling.

Retention

It feels great to just sit here while looking at the vivid sky and witnessing the sunset on lazy afternoons. It's nice watching people pass by and little kids happily running outside, listening to the music from a nearby videoke house or simply having both ears to the chirping birds.

I wonder when was the last time I did this - beeing a carefree bum! I could hardly remember but for sure it's been years now. All I know is, lately, my system has been preoccupied with stuffs - small and huge alike. I'm not only talking about being busy because of doing big tasks. Well, with the type of work that I had (yes, I mean, my previous job, the one I had a month ago), I wasn't feeling tired physically because of literally carrying burdens in my shoulder like what construction workers do everyday. It's a different level of tiresome and stressful feelings.I realized it was worse than carrying huge baggages in the port. At least after work they only need to breathe easy and simmer down in bed. With the work that I had, my mind was still thinking about the insults that the customers said. "Damn you, Filipinos! You morons!" Things like that. Others may say we'll get used to it soon but hey I couldn't take it anymore. Somehow it affects me as a person psychologically. After shift, my spoil would still run through my head unconciously, as much as I tried to avoid work, it's not that easy.

Then when I arrived home, I would read a lot of messages in my phone coming fro my family I left oceans aways. Sometimes I get excited about news like how my little baby boy would turn on and off the tv while my parents are watching. But there are times that I'll get worried because he's sick. So problems with family and work began to juggle in my mind. The worries I have for my family, the thoughts on how to stretch my income to support all our needs plus the irritating comments of my callers.

So I quit. The fighter side of me just realized to surrender or else I would eventually destroy myself. I started to become more impatient, hot-tempered and easily ticked off. Upon seeing daylight, I stopped. This isn't doing me any good. I wasn't happy with my life and with the person I'm becoming.

Sad to say, I'm stuck to this industry because of my desire to earn bigger but I know some wouldn's require me to capture all of those cheap shot and mockery in almost 90 - 100% of my calls.

There would still be good reasons to stay...

Eventually, I would learn to love the job of being an agent...

The Secret

Pessimist.

Cynic.

Worrywart.

Doubting Thomas.

Those descriptions are all towards me. But hey, that was before. My friends would always refer me as the "nega". I always think of the worst case scenario. I always have "what if" in mind. I seemed to move towards the conventional phase as possible.

I have a lot of dreams in life. From petty things such as a new pair of shoes and a brand new cellphone to the more essential subjects like healthy body for my family, peace of mind, fulfillment and gratification. If I had the same mindset as what I had in the past, I would think of these dreams but had apprehensions towards it.

But there's no certain things in world but change. Thoughts and perceptions do too...

As I've read The Secrets, my idea and sensations about my dreams and life shifted entirely. I had a brighter outlook. I learned to see the infallible and favorable disposition of my existence.

Rhonda Byrne, the author of the book, scraped together experiences and teachings from various people, prophets, genius, sage and scholars of different generations, to come up with this bestseller publication about the most powerful law in the universe: the LAW OF ATTRACTION.

Upon reading the book, it wasn't hard to digest and get into the idea. It was written in a way that everybody could easily grasp what the author wanted to convey to the readers. The Law of Attraction simply means that we entice or captivate anything that we think about - both good and bad, wanted or unwanted, liked or disliked. A good example would be, if we think that we will get 100% in our exam, it is very much possible if we contemplate, focus, believe on that and allow it to happen. We should think of it doubtlessly and imagine that we already got our paper with a 100% mark on in. Sure enough, we will achieve this.

It is very easy if we keep on practicing it devotedly. Practice makes perfect, as what they say anyway. But it is very much true. I myself is still trying to master the secret. There's no harm in believing. I just allow it to happen and for sure I will gain the fruits of the dreams I am making.

"Everything Happens for a Reason"

"Everything happens for a reason". Cliche as it may sound but these words have been so powerful to me. I started using this catchphrase in college and from then on became a standing joke of my buddies as well. I may not use it seriously sometimes, and make it as the rationality of everything that's happening to me, but still it could be of great help in uplifting my spirit.

Yesterday, I was asking myself why I'm feeling this and going through that? Just a run down: I had a perfect childhood. Being an only child, I was given everything I needed and almost all I wanted. I had a silver spoon in my mouth. I am not from a well-heeled family but I tickled pink with what I've got. My parents sent me to the best school in town and bought me clothes and toys that some of my friends envied of. I have cousins who treated me as their youngest sister and protected me from harm when my parents are far from home to teach children in a distant town.

I never blotted out to pay back the goodness that my family gave me. I always gave them the pride of going up the stage to pin a ribbon or put a medal around my neck. I always felt so happy handing them certificates and prizes of my achievements. I knew from the very start that they were great-hearted of having a daughter who had a lot of hips in school.

I always dreamt of being an Architect. I wanted to be the prime-mover of people's shelter and of course my family's own crib. Maybe because we never had an enticing house although I had a perfect home. With my young mind, I started collecting fascinating pieces for my dream home but only in fool's paradise. From the start, I had my dream school as well. That is why I got so excited when I got to my senior year in high school because I would be able to jump-start my dream of being an architect by applying and taking an exam in my dream school. I passed but my parents didn't allow me to go to that strange and untrustworthy city. My heart was broken and I felt very bad. I was thinking that my life had came to end. I was very unprepared of this feeling. All this time I independently choose what I wanted but not that moment. I felt so deprived of my privilege. Seeing me had a face as long as a fiddle during that supposedly eye-popping summer, my parents finally allowed me to go. But it was too late already. My slot was forfeited. I didn't argue and gradually accepted the fact that the chance was not for me. Thank God I had a Plan B. I took the UPCAT together with my high school buddies. I chose the campus just 2-hour away from home and selected a business course with no particular reason at all. Luckily, I had a fall-back.

I was juiced up with the thoughts of going to college but I never really prepared myself into it. I never had directions. All I wanted was to finish school and make my parents proud. During college, I seldom participated in extra-curricular activities. I felt I had enough of it in high school that parties shake me up. I was bucked with hanging out with friends and chatting until wee hours. When I graduated, part of me was yellow-eyed with my batchmates who were able to make it to the honors' list while the other part of me was abashed knowing that I was an inch close to them.

Finally, I went out to the real world. Being deprived with the opportunity in that wild city, I kept wondering what was there and where should I have been if I was given the chance to pursue my dream there. So after graduation, I went to the metropolis to discover a new life there. Fortunately, I landed a good job in a multinational company. I began to receive an agreeable salary and bought stuffs that I wanted.

Then a big decision had to be made. I had to choose between my career and love. I chose love. I admit it, I had a lot of struggles. I thought loving someone is the most important thing on earth, that I would be on cloud nine if I embraced it. Well, others would have a point in saying so but not in my case. I had a you-and-me-against-the-world relationship with the one I chose to love. I put aside the family that sacrificed everything for me. Going back, I was given with all the love in the world by my parents. I forgot to tell you, they endured the kilometer walk to and from there stations just to work everyday to give me the best that they could. They would borrow money with high interests just to provide me with the beautiful yet pricey clothes I wear to the school programs and parties. I took aside the fact that they sold our house just to be able to go to that huge city and follow my dreams.

Egocentric jerk! That's what I was. I fess up. I know I chose to be in this state and I would not go through all those hardships in life if I didn't allow it to happen in the first place. But hey! everything happens for a reason anyway! I guess I won't be here dicerning about all these emotional stuffs if I was not able to go through it all. I would still nose-around those childish things I wanted.

Now I realized that there was a reason why I wasn't able to study in that big city. It's because I would miss the chance of meeting the great friends that I had in college. I would miss the serenity and simplicity of my college years.

I have no feeling of regret that I ventured into those challenging experiences. At least as early as now, I learned to value more the people that I had forsaken. I am still lucky because God has given me time to mend the crippled hearts of my parents. The reason why I chose love over everything? To bring a sunshine to my life and my parents... To be a mother to an awe-inspiring baby boy who gave a new meaning to my life. Well, everything has a reason and my baby gives me a new reason to live.