Summer Fun!

Summertime is almost over. I didn't even have the chance to go to the beach and take in the smell of the summer breeze. I pity myself! Duh! Just jokin'! I'm content with staying home during weekends, waking up at noon and watching tv until pbb is up. Most of the time, at the end of the day, I would realize I haven't even went out of our house's door or just step out into our garage. I can't believe I'm such a bum! hehehe... But I learned to love it. I love it when I just stay in my room, with ipod stuck on my ears, contemplating on the notes I posted in my closet's door, looking at the picture of my baby and feeling the cool temperature coming from the aircon. That way, I'm able to avoid the fiery sun outside. That's how my life is. I can't think of anything as fun that. Killjoy, you may say I am but that's the way I love spending my weekend and I'm enjoying it. I prefer doing this instead of going to the mall and rubbing elbows with sweaty strangers. I would just have a swelling sole at the end of the day. I would choose dancing by myself in font of my mirror instead of going out on friday nights and spend my one week allowance on a beer or two. Anti-social, you may think again! Can't blame you for thinking that way. It's not that I am against those people who are party-goers, bar-hoppers and nightlife-lovers. I once belonged to that group. It's just that I don't feel happy around those crowds anymore. I've tried once. I joined my wavemates in one of their after-training sessions but I ended up sleeping the whole Saturday. I decided to go because I wanted to know what I'll feel if I spend a night out for the first time I got here in Cebu (that's after 5 months) but I just got disappointed (not that they're not exciting to be with). I realized it's not what I wanted to do. It's not the way I want to spend my weekend.
Maybe I just have different priorities now. Maybe I have new ideas of fun and contentment. Honestly, I don't know why I eventually got into this person with different perspective. I don't know. I wanted to find the reason why. I looked at the picture of my baby. Then and there I found the answer.

Realizations

Last night, when I was on my way home, I realized how exhausted I was because of everything that happened yesterday. I just realized how tiring it was when I tried to catch time. I only had 15 minutes left before my training began yet I was still waiting for my queue to deposit in the bank. I just realized how stressed I was when I was trying to make ends meet while budgeting my salary. No matter how I tried, it won't be enough still. I realized how pressured I was while I was trying to answer all the questions in our exams but still after clicking the submit button, I saw a failing mark. Awful huh! I realized that as I was taking my dinner, I was in a hurry but no matter how delicious my viand was, still I didn't feel full but not hungry either. Yesterday was just another stressful day for me. I realized that I always got into this situation before, for so many times already yet I still grumble. I never learned. That's why while I was walking last night, I kept on saying to myself as loud as possible (knowing that nobody is in sight) to forget about the worries. I promised myself not to think about my problems anymore because no matter how hard I think about it, it would still be a problem. All I have to do is think positively. God provides. I won't think about anything that would make me worry, sad and cry. I will think that I have enough money to sustain my family's needs. I will think that someday, all of the problems will finally get tired of following me. From now on, I promise myself to think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best.

Thank God it's Friday!

Yehey! Time to take a break from the training... At least I'd be able to post more articles... I'll have time to pour out all my emotions this weekend... hehehe... got a lot of 'em... this week was a great challenge for me... i'll tell you why on my next post...

Have to hug my pillow tight already!

Finally!

Wahhh!! I've been looking for the best site to post my blog but it's only now that I got satisfied with the result of what i've made!

You must be wondering why the articles below are posted within the same date... well, I wrote them at different times and with various emotions and struggles actually but because I want to see how it's like to have a blog with several contents already, I posted it all now... just for all of to have a memorable stop here... hehehe...

ciao!

Of Passion and Happiness

I was a person full of idealism, immense dreams and lofty expectations. Way back in elementary and high school, I was an achiever. I was always in the honor-roll, represented my class and even my school in various competitions and had remarkable parts in several programs and occasions. I enjoyed healthy competition. I enjoyed my life being a youth. I enjoyed everything that came my way. I enjoyed every detail of my school days.

Then I went to the most prestigious university in the Philippines. The used to be so enthusiastic girl that I was in elementary and high school shriveled in an instant. I lacked interest in my academics. Yes, I was in the Dean’s List for several semesters but I did not make it to be a Cum Laude with just a difference of .09 percent. I seldom joined contests and joined only 2 school organizations unlike in high school. I don’t know why it happened to me. Sometimes I would think that maybe I just got so exhausted of everything. I thought that I have already been there and already done that. Maybe it is because I was longing for something else. Or maybe because I never really wanted to be in that place in the first place. I wanted to do other thing than computing and analyzing numbers, which definitely pulled down my grades in school. I wanted to write. And I still do want to write. In a way, I had regrets that I did not follow my passion. When I was in my fourth year in high school, the idea that business people are rich and powerful prevailed in deciding what course to take in college. I was blinded by practicality. I did not pursue my greatest dream. I regret that I disappointed my parents’ desire to put a medal around my neck during our graduation day. I envied those that were able to make it. Consider it as my rebellion. If only I took up what I really wanted, which is Communication Arts and Journalism, I would have graduated with flying colors because I have interest in it. But who was greatly affected? No other than myself still. Well, big thanks to UP that I also found friends and instructors to treasure for a lifetime, and I never have a hard time searching for excellent job opportunities.

Now I have a good job in an impressive company. I landed a job that really fits my qualifications, educational background and few interests. But still I feel incomplete. I still have this feeling of self-insecurity in me. The used to be full of joie de vivre that I was now lacks self-esteem and belief in my capabilities. I enjoy what I am doing right now. I love traveling and meeting new people. I love the freedom that I have; certainly, I love my job. But still there is something lacking. I am still longing for something else.

I don’t know if I would still be able to pursue what my heart is really telling me. Now that my family is lacking the means unlike before that I get everything that I needed and even everything that I wanted. Now that I already have a wonderful son to look after. But still I am not really closing my doors to it. I am still dreaming of reading my articles in the papers. Well, I am beginning it now – with this story that I am telling.

Retention

It feels great to just sit here while looking at the vivid sky and witnessing the sunset on lazy afternoons. It's nice watching people pass by and little kids happily running outside, listening to the music from a nearby videoke house or simply having both ears to the chirping birds.

I wonder when was the last time I did this - beeing a carefree bum! I could hardly remember but for sure it's been years now. All I know is, lately, my system has been preoccupied with stuffs - small and huge alike. I'm not only talking about being busy because of doing big tasks. Well, with the type of work that I had (yes, I mean, my previous job, the one I had a month ago), I wasn't feeling tired physically because of literally carrying burdens in my shoulder like what construction workers do everyday. It's a different level of tiresome and stressful feelings.I realized it was worse than carrying huge baggages in the port. At least after work they only need to breathe easy and simmer down in bed. With the work that I had, my mind was still thinking about the insults that the customers said. "Damn you, Filipinos! You morons!" Things like that. Others may say we'll get used to it soon but hey I couldn't take it anymore. Somehow it affects me as a person psychologically. After shift, my spoil would still run through my head unconciously, as much as I tried to avoid work, it's not that easy.

Then when I arrived home, I would read a lot of messages in my phone coming fro my family I left oceans aways. Sometimes I get excited about news like how my little baby boy would turn on and off the tv while my parents are watching. But there are times that I'll get worried because he's sick. So problems with family and work began to juggle in my mind. The worries I have for my family, the thoughts on how to stretch my income to support all our needs plus the irritating comments of my callers.

So I quit. The fighter side of me just realized to surrender or else I would eventually destroy myself. I started to become more impatient, hot-tempered and easily ticked off. Upon seeing daylight, I stopped. This isn't doing me any good. I wasn't happy with my life and with the person I'm becoming.

Sad to say, I'm stuck to this industry because of my desire to earn bigger but I know some wouldn's require me to capture all of those cheap shot and mockery in almost 90 - 100% of my calls.

There would still be good reasons to stay...

Eventually, I would learn to love the job of being an agent...

The Secret

Pessimist.

Cynic.

Worrywart.

Doubting Thomas.

Those descriptions are all towards me. But hey, that was before. My friends would always refer me as the "nega". I always think of the worst case scenario. I always have "what if" in mind. I seemed to move towards the conventional phase as possible.

I have a lot of dreams in life. From petty things such as a new pair of shoes and a brand new cellphone to the more essential subjects like healthy body for my family, peace of mind, fulfillment and gratification. If I had the same mindset as what I had in the past, I would think of these dreams but had apprehensions towards it.

But there's no certain things in world but change. Thoughts and perceptions do too...

As I've read The Secrets, my idea and sensations about my dreams and life shifted entirely. I had a brighter outlook. I learned to see the infallible and favorable disposition of my existence.

Rhonda Byrne, the author of the book, scraped together experiences and teachings from various people, prophets, genius, sage and scholars of different generations, to come up with this bestseller publication about the most powerful law in the universe: the LAW OF ATTRACTION.

Upon reading the book, it wasn't hard to digest and get into the idea. It was written in a way that everybody could easily grasp what the author wanted to convey to the readers. The Law of Attraction simply means that we entice or captivate anything that we think about - both good and bad, wanted or unwanted, liked or disliked. A good example would be, if we think that we will get 100% in our exam, it is very much possible if we contemplate, focus, believe on that and allow it to happen. We should think of it doubtlessly and imagine that we already got our paper with a 100% mark on in. Sure enough, we will achieve this.

It is very easy if we keep on practicing it devotedly. Practice makes perfect, as what they say anyway. But it is very much true. I myself is still trying to master the secret. There's no harm in believing. I just allow it to happen and for sure I will gain the fruits of the dreams I am making.